just a little update

Not much to say really. I'm really excited about Spring starting to arrive in Chicago. I guess I look forward to the adventures I'm imagining for Spring/Summer.

Taking Max to the zoo or the museums, Cubs games, wandering aimlessly and exploring new things, lots and lots of improv.

It's weird. I have no regrets in life. I mean, you just can't. Whatever it is that's happened, it's helped to shape me into who I am now, and who I will eventually come to be, so I can't look back and wish that I hadn't done something.

But there is this part of me that feels revitalized. I don't think that I was ever "missing out" recently. But I think I arrived at a point where I knew that it was time to move forward and discover things about myself that I need to know. I guess I just started to think that I was stagnating, which was no one's fault. It was just life.

I feel like I'm finally starting to come into my own...at least on a deeper level than before. The last time I found myself in this position, I was young, stupid, and rebellious. But now? Now I feel wiser, a little less stupid, and not rebellious, but curious...in a healthy way.

I've found new hobbies, and have discovered a balance between going out and enjoying my own company...and my jammies. I've started watching more movies, and challenging myself to try new things. I've put more energy into my work, and have set bigger goals for myself in that respect.

I've decided to dive head-first into improv, learning and doing all that I can because it's one of those dreams I let fall by the wayside because I thought my circumstances wouldn't allow me to do it. I don't care if I'm good at it or not. I enjoy doing it. It makes me happy. And doggone it, I am having a ton of fun. I'm also starting to trust myself and stay in the moment more because of it.

But I'm rambling. Point is, it's springtime, I'm looking forward to it. Also, I like cheese.

i've come to realize...

That I soooooo cannot hang like I used to. But, actually, I'm fine with this. Don't get me wrong, this weekend I had a BLAST; however, 4 days of staying out til the cows come home was a little much.

But fun.

But still, a little much.

I guess it was just something I needed to get out of my system. Push the limits. Break my routine.

Shake things up, etc. etc.

I think from now on, however, that if I go out til really late one night, it's probably the only night I won't be in bed by midnight. Because I'm too old *lol*

I will also be seeing a lot more improv. Chicago's full of it, and I've realized that watching other people do it only makes me want to be successful at it in some capacity, that much more. Plus, it's a shit-ton of fun, and I think it's in my blood. I guess it sort of makes me feel a little more alive. Or, in other words, I'm quite passionate about it.

Now I'm rambling. In short: one late night a week is about all I can handle these days. And I'm cool with that.

Now to tend to the chores. Woo hoo.

blast from the past

Tiff at age 22:

My old website from 2002.

Don't laugh too hard.

Also, my web design skills are not *quite* this shitty anymore.

WIDGET!!!

WIDGET!!!

underconfident.

So, since I've started my improv classes, I've felt a lot more confident about myself. However, for some reason, over these past two weeks or so, I've felt like the most awkward, unfunny, overweight, aging pile of doo-doo on the planet.

Odd thing is, I don't really know why. Part of me wants to blame the weather. I mean, seriously, could spring just get here already? For real.

But part of me thinks that I'm being too critical of myself. To self-aware for my own good. I know that when I don't give a toot about what other people think, I end up having a much better time, whether I'm out doing some karaoke, or grocery shopping.

It's when I pull apart everything I do or say in terms of how I imagine others are interpreting those things, that I start to feel unfunny or unlikable.

I just wish there could be a 70 degree day, sun shining, people out walking, where I could feel a little taste of spring to get me out of this funk.

I also need to buckle down and eat right like I've promised myself. Perhaps if I stop making the goal to "be skinny" and make the goal to "be healthy" I'll have more success.

Who knows.

sunday, sunday, sunday

So, I'm in one of those moods where I just don't know what to do with myself. All weekend it's been like this. I cleaned a little, took a bubble bath, created a new station on Pandora that I adore. Watched a movie. But I feel restless. I think it's because I desperately want spring to get here.

Not just because of the warm weather, but I'll also be quitting smoking. Most people don't look forward to this, but I kind of am. My hair and clothes will smell prettier, I won't wake up feeling like I slept face down in a chimney all night. And, unless I've already done too much damage, I'll be able to sing without getting scratchy or losing lung capacity.

To ensure that I don't break my rule and smoke within the first 3 weeks of my quit date, I'm scheduling a wisdom tooth extraction. (Not for this purpose alone, of course. It needs to be pulled. Fucking extra teeth that nobody needs...) Can't smoke for 2 weeks after an extraction, so I figured it was perfect timing.

That and I more scared about getting the tooth pulled than completely altering a lifestyle I've known since I was 17 (on and off).

So, in the weeks after March 20th, you may notice that I'm cranky...and that I have gauze in my mouth...

...juts try to ignore it. It'll all be worth it later on. :)

Was going to rant about how old I'm feeling lately...but after typing it out, I realized that I'm an idiot.