How to Spend a Saturday

So after my interview, I decided that I needed a Tiffany-style follow up---it's "how I do"...or whatever the kids are saying these days. (Amanda, if you're reading this it's going to spoil your surprise. Just a heads up.)

Without going into detail, basically we talked about how my coworker has a porcelain clown collection which I find to be hilarious. Mostly because the collection sits in his office. Who brings Hummel-like clowns to work and what is that thought-process like? God bless the man, but to me it's just funny. (Although, I do have a penguin on my desk, along with an old calendar page that says: "JAPANESE CANDY DROPS: Snot From the Nose of the Great Buddha" and a Hershey Kiss flag taped to my monitor.)

Because of that part of our conversation, I decided that sending a ceramic clown with my thank you letter would be a nice jester---I mean gesture. (I am fully aware of how horrendous that pun was...fully aware.)

Guess the foof what? It's darn near impossible to find a ceramic clown these days. Jeff and I spent most of Saturday scouring every dollar store...and there wasn't a single clown among the rows and rows of multi-cultural angels, teddy bears with video cameras, decorative Hippopotamus plates, and light-up dog plant statues. (No really, we stumbled across a ceramic house with large stems shooting from the back of it, and on top of the stems were light up dog-heads...in about 5 random breeds. I almost bought that instead.)

Unfortunately I forgot my camera, because the other novelties we found in our 6 hour search warranted a pictorial of epic proportions. One example, the knock-off Bratz dolls guaranteed to be "Fun for kids and fangle."

I'm not sure what a fangle is, but if I ever come across one, I'll know what to get it for its birthday...

Or the "Twinkling Stars" decals...that were hearts.

Or, the piece de resistance: No crap. A mini-super-soaker water gun with the slogan "I have a dream." Oh yeah? And what kind of dream would that be? (Don't answer that. The Dream Water Gun is one of those jokes that writes itself, folks... Use your imagination.)

There was also an infant doll holding a cell phone. And the Caucasian Indian Princess play kit.

Oh the list is endless, and we will be going back to take pictures...I have now learned my lesson: My camera is to accompany me at all times.

Then Jeff had a great moment of realization. The conversation went like this:

Jeff: What do you mean we can't park here. It's a freaking strip mall!

Me: Yeah, just park down there.

Jeff: You know, I've always found that when you're looking for something it's always the last place you look.

Me (after an awkward silence): You're right babe. Because once you find it (I'm laughing now), why the hell would you keep looking for it?

Jeff: Oh my God. You're right. (pause) Hey, look at all the granny panties in the window.

So I'm still looking for a ceramic clown. And after finding that these buggers are so hard to, well, find...I now realize that my coworker's collection is even FUNNIER. Where the hell is he buying them from?

I will now laugh at the clowns...alone...again.